Meeting the adopters.
While it seems as though meeting the adopters prior to signing the relinquishment
papers seems like a great way to go, it can have many drawbacks. Take this into
consideration. At this time in your life, the hormones are working their way through you,
and if this is your first pregnancy, most of these hormones and reactions are new to you,
creating you into the perfect mother for your baby. Other things that it does, is make
you vulnerable and trusting. Any person in need of help is not going to want to go into
the hungry wolves den, because they will eat you for breakfast. As you get closer and
closer to them, they are guaranteeing their purchase (through gifts, money, and
subsequent broken promises) of your baby. The bond that is happening inside of you, and
in your outside relationships will influence you and how you react and think about your
relationship with the adopters, which may or may not be how they feel or think about the
relationship, because remember, they are only interested in you, because you carry the
object of their desire, a dream of being parents.
If you do meet the parents, you will find that you are getting closer and closer to them.
Perhaps they give you their home phone number instead of a classic 1-800 number. Perhaps
they introduce you to their new best friend or relatives. Maybe they invite you into their
home to show you the place where your baby's room has been designed for years. They take you
out to dinner, come to your obstetrician appointments, and you share the moments of
bonding with your baby. They tell you you will always be a part of your child's life. They
tell you that of course you can have as many visits as you want. That you are a part of
their family, now.
Now, you are still pregnant. They've met the father of the baby, you know each other's
relatives, they have a room designed just for your precious baby. They have shared these
precious moments with you. What if you change your mind? What if you decide you want to
parent your child? By attaching yourself (pre-birth) to these people, you have led them on,
and you have made it very difficult to say no.
Much like that one guy that treated you to the nines on a date, who goes overboard with
being nice to you, then given you glasses of wine to make you a bit tipsy and slow to
react, and now he wants his return. Sex. And, maybe you've gone on several dates, but now
he thinks that this is the time. You've met each others parents, but you realize, you
aren't interested. You have inclinations that he had started dating you, just for this
They've set you up, just like this, to get you to give them your baby.
Sex in these times are very difficult to experience as women. What I will say, is that in
the situation with the man, no woman should feel pressured into having sex. There should be
no payment, no expectations. If they did all that for sex, and don't respect you for saying
no, then they aren't worth it. They don't love you, they have been using you all along.
Men, or adopters who respect you as a person, who don't see you as a whore, as a welfare
or charity case, as a dumb young girl who got herself into trouble, will respect you
even if you say no to sex. They will be patient, accept you, and wish you well with your they will only
ultimately hurt you, and they will not respect your body during sex, and they will not
respect your child as they grow into the person you created with your body. If they lie to
you, they will lie to your child.
Things to ask for in an open adoption
- Check to make sure that open adoptions are legally enforceable
in your state